Thursday, July 21, 2016

a small gesture to notice

This is probably the longest break I've taken from blogging since I started to blog six years ago. Two months straight without any stories! Haha. Even the last post was just the lyric of my favorite song posted in between quarrel and thirsty heart.

Exam week has been going on right now, strong and its current been trying to drown me inside. I hope I can keep afloat til the end. There are no other way than surviving this anyway. I just had a test this morning, doesn't have much impact to my grades but it measures my ability so it's important anyway. Let's just say it was a total zonk, I mean TOTALLY zonk. I couldn't even feel bad about it, just laughed at how zonked it was. Perhaps with that zonk score, I've restored my ability to laugh at life with its twists and turns. Lately I've been so wrung up I couldn't laugh at myself. I couldn't even brought myself to blog or write on my journal.

With a distracted mind, I went to my dorm to nap, totally forgot that I was supposed to meet someone in the library. After that was taken care of, I had an uneasy nap for 20 minutes and headed back to the campus.

This is when I knew I've been doing no good of thinking about my score. I was waiting for the elevator with a guy, my guess he is a Spring semester student so he got here last April. He seemed to be in a hurry, with a piece of paper dangled on his hands and distracted eyes zoned out while waiting. When the elevator opened, I walked in with him, but he suddenly push the button to keep the elevator open. My face was like, 'what?'. We were waiting for a good 30 seconds before I knew he kept it opened for someone who was walking toward the elevator.

That moment shook me awake from my cloudy head. How is that test going to affect me in 10, 15 years? I did it myself, I stayed true to myself. Why I keep forgetting the value my parents raised me with? The only thing that matters is the process, as long as you learn and keep learning.

Why would a piece of test be your whole world but you can't keep up with your manner and with the world around you? Remember when you were so upset when someone you acquainted with closed the elevator RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, only him using the elevator and you knew he knew you were walking toward the elevator but closed it anyway.

I was touched by how this Spring guy even KNEW somebody 30 seconds away from us was walking toward us. I didn't pay attention to that cause I was too busy thinking about that screwed-up test.

Small gesture that woke up my fibers. Remind me to be in tune with my surrounding, with the Universe, with Mother Nature that has been blessing me with kismet and karma. With life's ups and downs and other people' ups and downs.

Peace in, peace out, people.

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